


wwizards are dumb

by 989fox989



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Deconstruction, Friendship, Magic, Reconstruction, Science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:39:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25044763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/989fox989/pseuds/989fox989
Summary: Eridan has an opinion that he has decided to rant about.  Roxy has a different opinion.  Takes place in an alternate universe where all the trolls and humans are together, but SBURB doesn't exist.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora & Roxy Lalonde
Kudos: 2





	wwizards are dumb

CA: im just sayin  
CA: those movvies are dumb  
GG: Oh wow, Eridan thinks something is dumb, color me surprised.  
CG: FOR FUCKS SAKE ERIDAN. IF YOU GO ON ANOTHER RANT ABOUT MAGIC BEING FAKE I WILL PERSONALLY GO TO YOUR HIVE AND SLIT YOUR THROAT. IT'S FICTION, DUMBASS.  
TG: u dont like magic?  
CA: i dont dislike it  
CA: im just fully awware that it not only doesnt exist but also cant exist  
CA: and so every movvie and tvv showw that uses it is dumb and unrealistic  
TG: what the fuck are you talking about dude  
CA: pick a form of magic anyone and ill tell you wwhy its shit  
AA: time freeze  
CA: easy  
CA: if evverything is frozen in time then nothing can movve which means no photons can enter your eyes and you wwont be able to see anything  
CA: also air cant movve so you would be trapped in a frozen cell of air unable to breathe  
CA: give me another  
EB: what about like… the bodyswap thing… you know like freaky friday?  
CA: okay so like the brain is a physical object you cant just swwap twwo consciousness and call it a night  
CA: obvviously if you swwap youd have to deal with physical abnormalities like not havvin an arm  
CA: but wwhat if the person you swwapped wwith had part of their brain missin  
CA: wwould you become a lobotomized asshole or would the other person act lobotomized because its part of their personality or wwhatever  
CA: evven though they arent missing part of their brain in their neww body  
CA: but then it turns out that everythin else is the same wway  
CA: lobotomys are physical parts of the brain   
CA: but memories, personalities, everything else  
CA: theyre all physical too  
CA: you cant just removve a consciousness and put it in someone else because it literally does not work like that  
TG: hmmmmm…  
CG: OKAY.  
CG: GOOD FUCKING SHIT ERIDAN.  
CG: DO YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF?  
CA: no  
CG: GREAT.  
CG: MOVING THE FUCK ON.

* * *

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering caligulasAquarium [CA]  
TG: damn dude  
TG: u rly hate magic huh  
CA: i dont hate magic  
CA: i just believve in science  
CA: and i can use that science to disprovve evverythin  
CA: your scientific too right  
CA: you knoww wwhat im talkin about  
TG: ok but that thing ur doin is called a deconstruction  
TG: which like  
TG: deconstructions r fine in small doses  
TG: but have u ever considered looking into reconstructions???  
CA: i dont knoww wwhat the fuck that is  
TG: k so like  
TG: deconstruction is when you take somethin from fiction n point out how dumb it is  
TG: but reconstruction is when you acknowledge that somethin is dumb but make it work anyway  
CA: howw the fuck does that wwork  
TG: ummm  
TG: ok, u talked about stuff like freezing time n how u cant breathe  
TG: cuz the air is all stopped  
TG: but i wrote this short story awhile ago  
TG: bout a dude who could stop time  
TG: both for himself but also for a spherical bubble around him  
TG: and the story deals w/ how whenever he stops time he has to keep movin to replenish the air in his bubble  
TG: and its actually a murder mystery where this person dies  
TG: and no one can figure out who did it or how  
TG: and it turns out that it was the dude who could stop time  
TG: cause he moved himself above the person so his bubble would hit part of the guys head  
TG: and cause his head was in the bubble his brain kept moving forward in time  
TG: but his heart and lungs were still frozen so he was forced to sit there and slowly succumb to the hypoxia  
TG: which i guess is kinda dark  
TG: anyways  
TG: thats a reconstruction  
TG: I think there super cool  
TG: there was some webcomic where this girl can freeze time  
TG: but not really  
TG: she actually just creates a scan of the world which she can then mentally traverse  
TG: as 4 the body swap thing  
TG: that can be easilly done with like a brain transplant  
TG: fuck if you had someone with teleportation and biokinesis you could just instantly transport the brains and then use the bio shit to attach the cords to the spine  
TG: actually fuck teleportation  
TG: if u were biokinetic u could just touch 2 people and make one persons brain become an exact copy of the others and viceversa  
CA: huh  
CA: that is interestin  
TG: i mean  
TG: u could probably come up with some something about how that stuff wouldnt work cause reality  
TG: but the whole point of fiction is that it isnt reality  
TG: which obvs doesnt mean that writers should totes disregard reality in its entirety  
TG: i think ur right about sum movies pushing suspension of disbelief way too far  
TG: but reconstructions offer a real nice middle ground that allows for sum cool stuff  
CA: hmmm  
CA: youll havve to send me a link to that comic  
CA: and also to that story you wwrote  
CA: ill admit it sounds neat  
TG: ya  
TG: i think i was a little drunk when i wrote that story  
TG: so theres probably sum typos and other issues  
TG: id have to work on it sum more  
TG: get it out of the rough rough draft phase ya know  
CA: totally  
CA: ivve nevver really done any wwriting stuff  
CA: but noww i kinda wwant to try wwriting one of those reconstructions  
CA: if you wwant maybe wwe could wwork together and wwrite one  
CA: if youre cool wwith that  
CA: i just think with our powwers combined  
CA: wwe could wwrite the best reconstruction the world has ever seen  
TG: haha yeah  
TG: that sounds awesome

**Author's Note:**

> The comic that Roxy is referencing: https://www.egscomics.com/comic/question-mark-03  
> This fic is just a short thing that briefly explores deconstructions and reconstructions, along with the erirox relationship. If enough people like this fic, I might write a longer sequel.


End file.
